Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
