Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
