BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
