some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
