on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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