Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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