I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
