remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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