If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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