wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
