When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
