Kiss
Puke
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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