1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
