On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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