She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
