Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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