its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
