oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
