Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
