I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
