I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
