I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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