Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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