Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
