I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
