meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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