i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
