That's when you crack a 10am beer
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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