so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize