just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
