So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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