Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
