he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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