I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
