woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
