Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
