I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
