Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
