if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
