Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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