Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
