I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
