i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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