I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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