I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
