What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
