I'm going to jail i love you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
