i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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