my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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