sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
