I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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