can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
