Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
