i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
